"Life is a series of tradeoffs, and greater results usually require greater tradeoffs. The question is not, "Do you want to be great at this?" The question is, "What are you willing to give up in order to be great at this?"
— James Clear
For a long while, I’ve been neglecting my social media addiction.
Cal Newport asserts1 that if you spend large portions of your day in a state of fragmented attention, it can permanently reduce your capacity to concentrate. This fragmentation is not only caused by picking up and scrolling social media but also by the anticipation of doing it.
So just having the phone within eyesight is messing with your brain.
I’ve been news free for about 3 years now. I make a point to avoid reading and watching media news. Rolf Dobelli makes a compelling point2 about this yet I had to take multiple attempts until I successfully got off.
With social media, it’s been complicated.
15 years
I was doing my senior year of high school as an exchange student when Facebook was taking off. I remember using AOL Instant Messenger and MySpace at first, then they both got wiped away by Facebook.
I remember speaking to someone during lunch, asking if they were on Facebook. I was an instant promoter.
From fall 2007, I’ve been addicted to social media.
Ever since my daughter was born, and after I read Coddling of the American Mind3 and iGen4 I started noticing how people use their smartphones, in front of people and in front of their kids. I started reflecting on how I use it.
I realized how I resort to the phone and use it as a tiny escape, every time I experience some discomfort, boredom or frustration. I mindlessly look for the app or red bubble filled with novelty and validation. If I log in and there is nothing “new“, I tap the home icon a few times like a gambler on a slot machine to see what comes out.
I scroll for a moment, and whether I find something interesting or not, I close the app and put down the phone. I am the opposite of relieved. It’s the dopamine deficit after the dopamine release, the feeling of being spent, not tired, but apathetic. I do not like that feeling.
So I quit.
Two weeks ago, I removed all my social media apps from my phone. I used LinkedIn and Instagram compulsively plus the occasional Twitter and TikTok. Per screen time, the change is an hour or two less than the previous week, going from around 4 hours to 2.5 or 3 hours per day on average. When the days are too stressful, the screen time is much higher.
However, I’m saving 8 hours per week to do more intentional activities, instead of having my attention scattered and mood deteriorated.
Three reasons for this move:
Most of social media is entertainment, and there are better forms of it elsewhere.
There are better ways to get news (like podcasts and newsletters) and if something significant happens you will find out from someone.
It directly jeopardizes my mood and ability to concentrate on deep work.
The daughter is reaching school age and I have no strategy on how to handle the smartphone request.
Per Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation5, there are two ways to fix the dopamine deficit: pursue pain (cold therapy, exercise, or fasting); or abstain. She further claims that you need to abstain from compulsive behavior for 30 days to reset the dopamine levels successfully.
So it’s been a few weeks with no social media on my phone.
Early observations
I’m noticing my capacity to identify the drive to pick up the phone and check something, although there is nothing to check. Sometimes I can resist it, sometimes e-mail provides the fix, and although you can be addicted to e-mail, my e-mail is definitely not as interesting as my honed LinkedIn and Instagram feed.
I thought about removing e-mail from my phone too. But taking care of my inbox is a pretty productive activity on the go, especially compared to mindlessly watching bad IG stories. Not ready to drop e-mail yet.
The number of pickups almost hasn’t changed. This is the dopamine release fueled by the anticipation of pleasure. I find myself swiping left to right looking for a notification bubble— the motivation is still there. Sometimes I text someone, other times, I stare at the list of apps and realize I don’t even need nor want to use the phone.
With the effects of social media withdrawal, I can feel my inability to be still. I feel restless and jittery, at least now I can observe this restlessness.
Digitally sober as an example
I’ve been using social media for the past 15 years without stopping and considering why I’m spending all this time on the platforms. These products are excellent, meaning that they provide value and do it well, but most of my time spent on social media is mindless scrolling of content I don't care about.
I’m hoping I can find a balance between utilizing the platforms and being intentional.
Finally, I want to spend some time preparing for the moment when my daughter joins a group of pre-teens with smartphones in their hands.
What are we going to do when she asks for one? How will we handle that request when all her peers are nose-deep in their phones? Are there schools that ban phones at school? Is it good to ban it? Are there any initiatives that work with this topic?
And ultimately, if we did want to disallow the smartphone, how can we say no when we’re glued to the screens? Let’s find out.
Getting digitally sober is a start.
Big boy Juraj did a nice interview last week for Czechcrunch where he didn’t forget to mention resource number one for founding a startup. One more time:
“Predictable acquisition of recurring revenue with annual prepay in a good market creates a cash machine.”
Also known as figure out the hard things first. Getting funding is easier than getting customers.
Watch it again: